Oh, the Irony
by Klopk
Summary: Klopk and Leah go on a journey to find the truth about irony! Along the way, they have all sorts of adventures! Co-written with Just Leah. Yes, this does belong in FMA.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh, the Irony**

* * *

Klopk and Leah were walking towards a small town. They had heard that there was an old man who lived there, and he could answer every question that anyone asked. Their question was what irony really meant. People used it too often for it to mean what it said in the dictionary.

So, they arrived at the town with their question in mind.

But where would they find the Random Old Man of Wisdom for whom they searched? They had never been to this town before, and they didn't know anyone there. Like in nearly every anime, they began their search by asking the residents of the area.

"Hey!" Leah called to a man who was walking by, minding his own business.

"What?" The guy gave her an annoyed look that said that he didn't want to be bothered.

"Do you know about a really smart old guy living here?"

The man sighed, and replied, "You must mean Marcoh. If you're looking for him, then scram. He left some time ago."

The man turned on his heel and started walking away.

"Wait!" Klopk ran to catch up with the man.

"What is it now?" the guy turned on her.

"Do you know where he went? This is really important."

"I have no idea! Why don't you ask that guy! He was a friend with Marcoh!" The guy pointed at another man who was standing behind a fruit stand, selling watermelons to passersby. Then the guy left in a huff, muttering about darn tourists.

"Hmph. Rude guy. Alright let's ask the man he pointed to."

They walked up to the fruit stand, ready to prepare themselves in case he was like the other man.

"Oh, hello there! Are you here to buy some watermelon? Or strawberries? They're in season, and this batch is fresh from my very own farm."

"Er... no. We heard Marcoh used to live here. Do you have any idea where went?" Klopk asked.

The man thought for a bit, then said, "I don't know for sure, but he mentioned something about Briggs. He might have gone there."

They thanked the man, and bought some strawberries, because they WERE in season.

"Alright, off to Briggs!"

The two bought their tickets and boarded the train that was set to leave for Briggs.

"Wow," Leah looked at her ticket that said the train would leave in about ten minutes. "We have excellent timing."

They took their seats and began munching on the strawberries, marveling at their deliciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

The train started moving right on schedule, and the two girls got ready for the long and boring trip.

At first, it was fun to watch the scenery go by, but it soon became boring.

They had tried playing with their food, but all they had was cookies, cake, soda and strawberries.

Eating wasn't that appealing either, they were already fuller than what most people would consider full.

In the end, Klopk was trying to zone out into some sort of crazy land, and Leah was attempting to make the train go faster with magic.

Both were failing miserably.

A man came and sat in the seat across from them. He had dark skin and white hair pulled into a strange ponytail. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of goggle-like shades.

"Um, hi?" Leah was confused as to why the man had come to sit by them.

The man seemed surprised when he saw her, "Oh! I didn't know anyone was sitting here!" He started to get up.

"That's okay," Klopk said. "Do you want some strawberries?"

"Sure?" The man was the confused one now. He took a strawberry and examined it. "Thanks. By the way, my name is Miles."

"I'm Klopk,"

"And I'm Leah."

"So where are you going?" Klopk asked. Since he was here, why not talk a bit to get rid of the boredom.

"Up north, and you?"

"We're going to Briggs, we are looking for a man named Marcoh."

Miles was surprised at first, but then confused.

"Marcoh? Why him?" Marcoh was a well-known doctor, but to follow him up Briggs was suspicious.

"Well, we need to ask him something," Klopk said.

"About what?" Miles kept his guard up. He had known too many spies that came in the form of innocent looking girls.

"We are looking for someone who can teach us about irony."

Miles lost his composure, giving them a dumbfounded look. "What would Marcoh know about that?" he asked. "He's a doctor, not an English teacher!"

"But he might know someone who can teach us about irony," Leah pointed out.

He looked at the two girls and realized they were completely serious. Then, he caught himself. They could be spies! This could just be a ridiculous story to get them inside of Briggs! He had to be careful and handle this situation delicately.

"Alright," he said, a plan forming in his head. "I can try to help you find him." They smiled and thanked him.

The train slowed down to a halt, and the three got off.

"Wow, it still snows here, even when it's spring" Klopk was awed by the mass of white that topped everything there.

She and Leah made their way down the frozen stairs with Miles following. He searched for any suspicious behavior in their actions.

"So where exactly do we start looking?"

They heard a click behind them. They turned to see Miles pointing a gun at them.

"You two can start looking inside your cell," he said menacingly. "Let's go, spies."

"Wha-?" Klopk dropped her strawberries.

"We aren't spies!" Leah tried to explain.

"That is for the Snow Queen to decide. Now get moving, before the weather picks up again."

In the dark cell, Klopk and Leah were very confused.

"Why did he think we were spies?" Klopk was eating cake. They were allowed to keep their stuff, after thorough inspection.

"I heard that Briggs was a dangerous place, but being this paranoid?" Leah was also eating. Being in a dark cell was depressing, and cake had lots of sugar.

They heard the door creak open, and a march of footsteps to follow.

"Come with us," one of the soldiers demanded.

"Where are we going? " Leah put her cake down.

"You are to be questioned."

"Questioned?" Klopk asked. "By who?"

"The Major General. Now get moving."

Klopk kept her cake with her, not wanting to leave the sugar behind. "Who is this Major General guy?" she asked Leah in a hushed whisper as the soldiers led them down the hall.

"I have no idea," Leah responded quietly. "Let's hope he's nice."

They walked through a series of hallways, then finally stopped in front of a set of double doors. The soldiers pushed it open to reveal an office.

The room held a certain tense air, with all the awards and trophies lined up against the wall.

At the far end of the room, was a long desk with a single seat at it.

All the soldiers present suddenly saluted.

The chair spun around.

Klopk and Leah looked at the woman who was sitting in the chair. Her head was supported by her folded hands in a very stern sort of way that seemed to tell the two that she was in charge. Her long blonde hair was swept off to one side, covering part of her face. Her visible eye gave them an icy blue glare that sent shivers running down their spines.

"Um, Major General?" Klopk was really hoping she was mistaken.

"You will speak when spoken to!" the woman yelled. The girls cowered away from her wrath. "Now, tell me, why have you invaded my territory you low-down spies?"

"Ma'am?" Leah's voice was barely audible. "We aren't spies."

"Oh?" The woman stood and walked over to Leah, giving her a death glare. "And why should I believe that? Because you said so? I think not!"

"Major General ma'am!" Klopk was also scared out of her mind, but she put on a brave facade. "She is telling the truth! We are just here looking for someone!"

"Really, now? And who might you be looking for?" her voice was full of malice.

"Doctor Marcoh." Leah and Klopk were both trembling as they said his name in unison.

"Marcoh?" Shock crossed the woman's face.

"And why would you need to see him?" She didn't let down her guard. Good spies always had a story to cover their mistakes.

Leah had to muster up all her courage to answer, "We want to ask him a question."

"And what might that be?" Her frozen blue eyes did not seem to believe a word they were saying.

"T-to find out what true irony is..."

Olivier's glare was not broken at all, but inside she was thinking, 'What type of excuse is that?'

"Could you help us find him?" Klopk asked quietly.

The Major General turned and headed back to her seat. "Lieutenant." A man snapped to attention. "Take these two back to their cell. I have some things I need to think over."

"Yes, sir!" the man replied, grabbing Leah and Klopk by their handcuffs. "Come on, back to your suite."

Leah and Klopk followed reluctantly, terrified of the woman, but a little put out that they hadn't gotten anywhere on their mission so far.

Back in their cell, they wondered what would happen to them.

"What if they don't belive us?" Klopk wondered.

"Well, it is the truth, lieing would get us nowhere." Leah didn't seem to sure either.

They both waited for what was to happen to them.

They sat in their cell all night, barely sleeping, munching on cake when they got hungry.

When morning broke, the only clue that gave it away was the morning call, ordering everyone to start the day. The booming voice on the speaker echoed through the halls and startled Leah and Klopk. A few minutes later, they again heard footsteps approaching their cell.

Major General Armstrong, escorted by Miles and another soldier with a frightening automail arm, flung the door open.

"Captain Buccaneer," Olivier snapped at the man with the metal arm. "Get rid of those cuffs."

The man nodded and pulled out some keys, removing the handcuffs.

Leah rubbed her wrists gratefully as Klopk looked up at the blonde woman in confusion. "You're letting us go? But I thought you thought we were spies!"

"If you really were spies, you would have come up with a much more believable story, so I have to assume you are telling the truth," Olivier explained.

Klopk and Leah mentally sighed. Was their adventure that strange?

Olivier and Buccaneer went back to their work, while a solider led the two to the exit.

Without saying anything, they exited the building.

Before they left, the solider began to speak.

"Marcoh should be in the town near by."

Klopk and Leah quickly thanked him, and then dashed off.

"Well that was a complete waste of time," Leah sighed.

"Not really," Klopk responded as the entered the town. "Now we know exactly where Marcoh is."

"We only know the town! How are we going to find him?"

"Do you see how small this mining town is? We'll be fine. We just have to ask some people where he is."

Suddenly a woman went rushing by, bumping into the two. "Sorry!" she called back, worry written all over her face as she sprinted away.

"What's up with her?" Leah asked.

"I don't know. Let's go check it out!" Klopk turned, chasing after the woman. Leah ran along too.

They reached a mineshaft and found out that fallen icicles in front of the mine entrance had apparently trapped a child. People were frantically trying to help the child, but they were having little luck.

"We should help!" Klopk said, rushing forward. "Hey, move out of the way!" She pushed her way through the crowd.

Leah, wanting to show off, began to slowly gather energy.

Then, she started to draw the circle needed.

She activated it in less time then it took to gather energy.

The crowd was relieved. They had been debating whether to pick off the ice, or melt it.

Soon, the child was free from the ice. He tried to get up and run to his mother, but his leg gave way once he stood up.

"Uh oh," Klopk examined it. "I think your leg is broken. We need to get you to a doctor!" She started to pick up the child, but a voice stopped her.

"I'm already here, no need to bring him to me." An elderly man walked through the parted crowd towards the child.

"You're a doctor?" Leah confirmed. The man nodded.

"Wait, Doctor Marcoh?" Klopk was stunned.

"How did you know that name?" the man asked, staggered.

"Never mind that, just fix this boy's leg. We can talk afterwards."

The doctor nodded and tended to the boy's leg. Neither Klopk nor Leah saw exactly what he did, but when he was finished, the boy stood with no problems, running to his mother with a big smile on his face.

"Now, it seems we need to talk," Marcoh looked at the two girls. "Come with me, I'll make you some dinner. You look starved."

"What? That can't be. I just ate some cake." Klopk complained.

"...Cake isn't very healthy for you."

"..."

The rest of the way was in awkward silence.

When they got to the place he was staying at, Marcoh asked, "So what do you want with me?"

Simultaneously, they responded, "Can you tell us what irony means?"

"Irony?" Marcoh began dishing out the food that was apparently ready when they got there. "Do I look like an English teacher?"

"Well, no," Leah looked down at her plate. "But we heard that you knew a lot about everything, so we were hoping you could help us."

Marcoh looked at the girls, their faces had completely fallen into despair. "I'll tell you what, I don't know much about irony, but I know someone who does."

Klopk looked up eagerly. "Really?" Her face brightened.

"Yeah," Marcoh nodded. "They are known as the Master of English and they know everything, literally everything about the English language. I'm sure that is the person who could help you.

"So where is this Master of English?" Leah asked excitedly.

"Well, they travel around a lot, so I'm not exactly sure," Marcoh sighed. "The last time I met the Master, it was in Risembool. You should start there and work your way south. They usually go south around this time of the year."

"Thanks Marcoh!" Klopk exclaimed as she and Leah jumped up.

"Where are you guys going?" Marcoh stood in surprise.

"To Risembool!" Leah called as they ran out the door. "We need to find the Master!"

"Well, good luck," Marcoh gave them a small wave.

If any of them had been paying attention, they would have noticed a man standing in the shadows by Marcoh's house, watching the two girls run off to the train station.

They made their way around the buildings, people and cars to reach the train station. Buying their tickets, they found out that it would be atleast a hour untill they were late.

"So what do we do now?" Leah asked.

"I guess we could walk around the town for a bit, then return here later."

And so, they left the station, and went back to town. "Ooh, look!" Leah pointed at a fruit stand. "I didn't know they had strawberries this far north! How do they grow them here?"

"Let's get some more!" Klopk rushed over. "I was sad that I dropped them when Miles took us prisoner."

They bought some strawberries from the quiet man at the stand, then continued waking around the town.

"Hey!" A voice called. They turned around to see the little boy they had helped the day before. He waved brightly at them and they smiled back.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Klopk asked.

"I came to thank you!"The boy happily replied.

Just then, his mother called.

"Ah, I have to leave now, sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Leah said.

He skipped away toward his mother.

"So, you were the two strangers who helped that boy?" A man's voice asked.

They turned around to see a man, at least seven feet tall, standing behind them.

"Yup," Klopk said brightly.

"That's really kind of you. By the way, my name is Sven."

"Sven?" Leah was confused. "With a name like that I would think you had an accent."

"Well, I don't. That is just what my parents named me. I'm pure Amestrian!"

"Cool," Klopk said.

"Do you like strawberries?" Sven paused for a bit, then said,"They're good, but pretty hard to get up here."

Klopk and Leah simply replied, "That's what we thought, but there is someone selling them over there."

Sven just thought for a bit, then spoke, "Hmm, oh well. But you guys could move ice, right? Could you help me with something?"

They nodded, but wondered what he could possibly want to do with moving ice. They followed Sven as he wove through the thin crowd with ease. People shrank away from him, afraid that the giant of a man would trample them.

Klopk and Leah received strange glares from the people who lived in the town and didn't recognize them.

Eventually, they came face to face with a huge ice statue. It was shaped a person, who was posing.

"Can you remove this statue?" Sven asked,"It was made by another who could change ice. It is blocking one of our mines."

There was a blurry vision of a cave behind the ice, but only if you looked hard enough.

"Who would make a statue in front of a cave?" Klopk asked.

"I don't know, but in this cold, it has been impossible for anyone of us to remove it."

"Alright! It's my turn, right?" Leah exclaimed.

"I guess so," Klopk signaled for her to proceed.

"Yay!" Leah got rid of the statue in no time, sparing the theatrics for once.

"Wow! Thanks!" Sven checked to make sure the opening of the mine was undamaged.

"You're welcome!" Klopk beamed. "Oh!" she realized. "We need to go catch our train!"

"Your train? Where are you headed?"

"Risembool," she told him.

"No way! I'm headed there myself! Can I tag along with you guys?"

"Sure," Leah shrugged. "Come on! We don't want to miss the train!"


	3. Chapter 3

They boarded the train, which was now ready to leave. The three sat as soon as the train began to move.

"So why are you going to Risembool? There isn't much to see there." Sven said.

"We're off to find the English Master!" Klopk answered.

"...What?"

"You see, irony is used a lot nowadays, so we are off to find what is truly 'ironic', you get it?"

"...Please explain."

After a very long and complicated explanation in which Leah and Klopk took turns speaking, Sven understood that the girls just wanted to know when to use irony and have it not be cliche.

"So, can I join you guys?" he asked when they finished. They were almost to Risembool by this point.

"I don't see why not," Klopk said.

"Awesome! I've always wondered about irony. Now I can learn!"

"And that is the point of our journey. To learn!" Leah smiled.

"So where do we start?" Sven glanced out at the farmland that raced by.

"Well," Klopk followed his gaze out the window. "Marcoh told us that the English Master lived here, but we aren't sure."

"Then it really is going to be an adventure!" Sven smiled.

The trio got off the train. It was a very peaceful place, Risembol. They walked in to the nearby town to start searching.

"So how do we start?" Sven asked.

"I guess we ask someone." Leah responded.

They walked up to a blonde haired girl who was walking her dog.

"Hey, we heard that there was an English Master here. Do you know where they are?"

She turned around and responded,"Hmm? I might know of them, could you describe them?"

"Uh, well, we don't really know what they look like . . . " Leah shifted her feet uneasily.

"Well, why don't you guys come over to my house. My grandma my be able to help you out!"

"Okay. My name is Klopk and this is Leah and Sven."

"I'm Winry! It's nice to meet you!"

The party made their way over to Winry's house, talking about strawberries as they walked. They arrived at her house soon and she held the door for them.

"Grandma! We've got guests!"

"Winry? Why are you bringing more people home! You know we don't have any extra room with those two boys here!" A short old woman came into the front room, scowling. Her expression softened when she caught sight of the crowd. "I guess it can't be helped though. I'm Pinako. It's nice to meet all of you."

Leah smiled and replied, "Nice to meet you, too. I'm Leah, and they are Klopk and Sven."

Klopk and Sven also smiled.

"Well, now what brings you here anyway?" Pinako tapped her pipe on a small jar.

"Grandma, they're looking for someone."

"So who exactly is this person?"

Klopk and Leah both said, "The English Master!"

Pinako faced froze in shock. After a moment she tapped her pipe again, leaning forward.

"I haven't heard of anyone looking for the English Master for years," she told them. "But whoever told you to come here was well informed. He was just here a few days ago."

"You know him?" Klopk' s eyes brightened up.

"Oh, yeah!" Pinako waved a hand dismissively. "We have always been great friends. Never met a person with better grammar! So why have you gone looking for the English Master?"

"We are trying to learn how to use irony," Leah said for the umpteenth time.

"He could help you!" Pinako chuckled. "But, there is a problem. The English Master left town to head south just a few days ago." "What?" Both Leah and Klopk said, "We just missed him..."

They began to get up, until Pinako said, "Wait, you know more about him before you start again."

"Huh? Oh, okay..." Pinako opened her mouth to speak when suddenly the door burst open.

"Hey, Grandma! We're back!" A blond boy walked into the room eating a cookie followed by a person in a huge suit of armor. He saw the two girls sitting at the table and gave Pinako a confused look. "Who the heck are these people?"

"Oh, sorry!" the suit of armor said when he saw them. "I hope we didn't interrupt anything! We'll leave now." The armor grabbed the other boy by the collar and dragged him out of the room, ignoring his protests of wanting to know what was going on.

"Who were they?" Leah asked politely.

"My adopted grandsons," Pinako said nonchalantly. "You can ignore them."

"I think he was eating one of our cookies," Klopk pointed out.

"What?" Leah was enraged. "I didn't spend four hours making those so some punk kid could eat them!" She had stood up and looked ready to kill someone. Klopk grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Just drop it. It isn't important right now." Leah sat back down with a huff. "So," Klopk continued, "what do we need to know about this English Master?"

"Hmm, first of all, is that he's heading to Dublith."

They nodded, and Sven said something about taking back their bags and left the room.

"Next, is that he isn't really much of a talker. So he might not answer your questions."

Sven came back with their stuff, and sat down.

"Finally, he looks like-"

"EHH-!"

She was cut short when a sudden cry was heard.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY AUTOMAIL!"

"It was just an experiment!" They heard Winry's voice too.

"Why is it bright red?"

"I was just experimenting with this automail paint I invented! Calm down Ed!"

"Oh, dear," Pinako said. "I better stop them before they kill each other. Good luck finding the English Master!"

"But-" Leah was cut off by Pinako slamming the door.

"She never told us what he looked like," Klopk said, annoyed.

"Yeah," Leah looked down. "I guess we'll just have to wing it. Come on Sven!"

"Ya!" Sven replied with a heavy accent.

"Hey, wait! I thought you didn't have an accent!"

"I mean . . . uh . . . yeah," he combed through his hair nervously.

And so, the three set off to Dublith.


	4. Chapter 4

"..."

"..."

"..."

All three were on the train again. With boredom striking every time, they should have known and prepared something. But they didn't.

"Man, this is so boring." Klopk complained.

"Why have we been going on the train so much anyway? We might run out of money." Leah sighed.

"Well, you can't really walk there, and none of can drive." Sven added.

They all sighed; this would be a long journey.

After the long and boring journey, during which they consumed some of the never ending cookies, they arrived in Dublith.

Klopk was the first off and she stretched once she was on the platform.

"I hate trains. I hope that grammar guy is here so we can ask him our question and go home!"

"Home?" Sven looked at them. "Where exactly is home for you?"

"Oh, we live out West," Leah explained. "But nothing exciting ever happens out there."

"Did you see that?" Klopk suddenly exclaimed, pointing at the shadows. "I swear I saw a man watching us!"

"Creeeeepy," Leah commented.

"Yeah, we should get going."

Then, the Grammar Thief struck.

"Hiieee!" Klopk made a high pitched screech when the train suddenly started again.

"We didn't even not get off yet…!" Leah complained.

"What? That's a double negative." Klopk said, "And we is looking for the engl-!"

Sven decided to speak this time, "Yous guys ar-!"

All three suddenly made a connection.

"Mwahaha!" The Thief jumped off the train, his black cape swishing behind him. He looked to be carrying something, but they couldn't tell what it was.

"Stop that man for we!" Klopk shouted, pointing him out for the crowd. But, they being an anonymous crowd did nothing to stop him. Soon, he was out of sight. The three went to hop off the train at the last second and searched for the man.

"He took we's well grammar!" Leah exclaimed.

"Us knows!" Sven yelled. "How could him?"

"More like, how did him?" Klopk corrected.

"We has to find he! And somehow get us well grammar back!" Leah led the way through the crowd as they began the search for the Grammar Thief.

They jumped off the train in close pursuit of the grammer theif.

"Give us back us good grammer!" Klopk shouted as she chased the man.

"Fufufu... Now what fun would that be?"

"Grr"

The three ran as fast as they could to keep up with the man. Klopk suddenly got an idea. She stopped, and pulled out a sheet of paper. On the paper was an alchemy circle. She placed her hand on it, and of course, activating it.

The sky got dark and began to drizzle. Leah, who was still running, pulled out a piece of paper as well. She quickly activated it, and in front of them, now stood a frozen villain.

"Whoas" Sven said with horrible grammar.

"Haha! Us winned!" Klopk exclaimed.

"Oh nope!" Leah had a sudden realization. "Us still have ungood grammar!"

"How do us reverse that?" Klopk looked at the frozen Thief.

"We has to defroze him," Sven said. "Only him can reverse this."

"But what if him take our well grammar again?" Klopk asked.

"Us has to takes that risk." Leah unfroze the man, but it was obvious that they all were prepared to attack if needed. He fell to the ground, and dropped what he was holding.

"I thinks that he are unconsious."

Klopk picked up the item. It was a short red and green stick. On both ends was a small point.

"Hmm? What this is?"

Suddenly it started glowing.

"Hey! Put that down before it hurts you!" Sven commanded.

Klopk did so, but then paused. "Sven? Did you just use proper grammar?"

"You just did too!" Leah said.

"Cool! We got our grammar back!"

The man was slowly inching away from then, but Sven grabbed his arm and dragged him back.

"What did you do?" All three demanded at the same time.

"Uh . . . I no has well grammar. And you does. So it be me duty to gets well grammar."

"You can't go around and steal good grammar from people!" Leah told him.

"That be what yous thinks!" And he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"What was that all about?" Leah huffed.

"I don't know, but where exactly are we?" Sven asked.

Looking around, they found themselves in a forest. There was rain stuck on the leaves of the trees, but still pretty dry.

"We should get going." Klopk said.

They found that they had gone rather deep in the forest, but they were able to get out before sunset.

"It's getting dark, we should find a place to stay." Klopk pulled a few leaves out of her hair.

"There is a town over there!" Sven pointed.

"Well, let's get going then."

They entered the nearby town.

"Is this Dublith? I hope it is..." Klopk wondered.

They looked at the entrence sign, 'Dublith'

"Looks like it is. Come on, first, we need a place to stay."

They looked around for a hotel, and found one.

"Alright, we can start looking for the English Master tomorrow. For now, good night."

They rented two rooms in the hotel, one for Sven and the other for Leah and Klopk. They all slept fine, but by the next morning they realized they needed some new food besides cookies, cake and strawberries.

When they got up in the morning, they went to the market and bought some fish, just so they could eat something new.

"This was such a good idea!" Klopk examined a fish.

"Ya!" Sven agreed with a strange accent again. Klopk gave him a funny look and he tried to cough and cover it up. "Hem, hem. Yeah."

"It's the creeper!" Leah suddenly exclaimed, pointing out the man who had attacked them the previous day.

"Where?" Klopk spun around, but the man was gone. "Are you sure?"

`"Well, it could have been someone else, but it sure looked like him!"

"Any way, we have to look for the English Master."

They all cheered.

"Hmm, it's funny how I seem to care a lot more about good grammar ever since I almost lost it." Sven said.

"That's how most people would react to having their grammar stolen," Klopk said.

"Is that a little kid?" Leah pointed off again. This time when they indeed saw a little kid standing behind them kind of creepy-like.

"Well, hi there!" Klopk beamed. "Where are your parents."

"Dead." The little kid had a dark, monotonous voice, and the first word he said pretty much murdered conversation.

"Oh, uh," Klopk tried to save the doomed conversation.

"My name is Era. I heard you people talking about grammar. I happen to be an avid grammar freak."

"Well, would you look at that!" Leah exclaimed. "He's only seven-"

"I'm twelve."

"-And he is already concerned about good grammar! Can we keep him? Pleeeeeease?"

"...We can't just take someone from wherever they are. That's considered kidnapping." Sven said.

Leah frowned, but dropped the subject. "But, if your parents are dead, who do you live with?"

In the same monotone voice, he replied, "Nobody. I live by myself."

"Weeeell, wanna come with us? We are going to learn about irony!"

"Sure."

"Yaaay!"

Klopk and Sven pulled a facepalm, but decided to humor Leah.

"Alright! So, what is your name?" Leah asked.

"Era." the boy replied. It seemed like everything he said was in monotone.

"Okay! So, Era, do you know of an English Master around here?"

Era shook his head. "I do not live in this town."

"He kinda creeps me out," Klopk whispered to Sven.

"Agreed. I don't know if we can trust him."

"C'mon guys!" Leah yelled at them, already walking away towards the center of town.

"Maybe we can talk to someone and find the Master," Klopk said as they followed Leah and Era. They went around asking many people the same question, 'Do you know where the English Master is?' but not many people had even heard of him.

"I wonder if he really is here..." Sven thought to himself. They had been looking for a while now, but had no luck.

They continued to search until late night, in which they went back to the hotel room.

Klopk sighed, "Maybe we missed him again. Pinako did say that he didn't talk much. That's why nobody here knows about him."

"Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow," Leah suggested.

They got up the next morning in the same fashion as the day before, except this time they already had fish to eat. They ate their breakfast with very little to say. Then they continued questioning the locals about the English Master. They had no luck again.

"I can't believe no one knows the English Master!" Klopk said as they returned to the butcher shop to get more fish.

"Wait, the English Master?" A woman in a white dress with dark hair came up to them with a stern look on her face.

"Uh, yeah," Klopk shrank away from her glare.

The woman looked around quickly to make sure no one was listening, then pulled the foursome into the back room. "Why are you guys looking for him?" The woman asked.

Leah, Sven and Klopk all responded, "To find the true meaning of irony."

"Hmm... By the way, my name is Izumi Curtis, and yours?"

"I'm Leah, that one is Sven, she's Klopk and the kid over there is Era." Leah pointed to each one as she mentioned them.

"What a strange group to be traveling together."

"Tell me about it," Sven said. "We've gotten a lot of strange looks."

"So, you want to find the English Master?" Izumi decided to get to business. "Well, you're in luck. He's still in town."

"Really?" All four pairs of eyes lit up as they said the word together.

"Yes," Izumi said. "But I won't tell you where he is. In order to learn something from the Master, one has to go through the process of finding him. I am allowed to give you one hint though: He isn't in this building."

"What?" Leah yelled. "We have to find him?"

"Yes. These are his rules, not mine."

"Well," Klopk stood, "we better get searching if we are going to find him."

"Oh and one other thing," Izumi stopped them at the door. "He will leave town in three days. So you have to find him before then."

"Thank you very much!" Klopk said as they ran out to find him.

Izumi just smiled. The four started their search immediately.

They asked anybody, and everybody. But they had no luck.

"Weird. It seems like Izumi is the only person to know about him."

They all sat in silence, until Era said, "This could be a test."

When the other three gave him blank stares, he continued, "It could a test to see if we deserve to have our question answered. The rest of the town could be apart of it, and are only saying that they don't know him to test us. It's a battle of brains."

"A battle of the brains, huh?" Klopk pondered that.

"What if we already met the English Master, but we didn't know it!" Leah exclaimed.

"That is a possibility," Sven agreed.

"But what if us can't find he?" Era asked.

The other three looked at Era in shock.

"Oh no," Leah breathed. "It be he again!"

"It be the Grammar Thieves!" Klopk yelled, pointing at the cloaked man who was running away.

"Grammar theifes?" Era asked. He some how managed to get confusion, annoyance and boredom into a single expression

"Yeah, an guy who will steal us good grammar." Sven said.

"Come on, we's has to catch he!" Klopk was already up and chasing him along with Leah.

Sven also got up, but before he went far, Era was surrounded in dark purple flames, with black electricity orbiting around that.

"Oh me!" Sven said, stopping in his tracks.

"What be happens?" Leah asked as she and Klopk stopped in their tracks.

"These look like black magics!" Sven exclaimed.

"Uh, oh," the Grammar thief continued running away, trying to escape Era's fire. Era turned his head to face the Grammar Thiff. (now named GT)

"You... Give up nows or else." Era was still monotone, but it was a lot creepier with the flames around him.

"A-ahh...!" GT tripped over a small pebble while trying to flee. He was just as scared as the rest of them, if not more.

Era seemed to have taken this as a negative, as he began to move his mouth.

"I-is he chanting a spell?" Klopk gasped.

"But I can't hear anything..." Leah said.

Era stopped with his silent chant, and the flames shot out. GT's eyes widened for an instant before he was engulfed in flames. The purple flames seemed to burn him to a crisp, but when they subsided he had vanished.

"Darn the crafty ninja!" Leah spat.

"Where did he go?" Klopk looked for any sign of him, but found nothing.

"He always disappears," Sven shook his head. "Hey! We got our grammar back!"

"Yeah! Cool!" Leah said.

"But . . ." Klopk said as she and the other two turned to stare at Era. "What in Amestris was that?"

"Black magic," Era's face betrayed no emotion. "Get used to it." The three didn't question him any further, but it was easy to tell that they were still curious.

"We still have to find the English Master. Do any of you know where we should start?" Sven wanted to get the first task at hand done before going back to the black magic.

They all thought for a moment, then a light went off in Leah's mind.

"Hey, what if Izumi is the master? She was the only one to 'know' about him."

"That is true," Klopk thought for a moment. "To Izumi it is!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Leah, Klopk and Sven were stunned by Izumi's reaction. Era didn't care. She was rolling on the floor, overcome with laughter.

"Uh, Mrs. Curtis?" Sven asked politely. "Are you okay?"

"You think I'M the English Master?" she gasped. "Not in a million years!"

"Dang it," Leah frowned. "I thought we were on to something."

"Well, I am not the Master, and now you only have two days left to find him."

"Well, then how do you know about him while everybody else in the town hasn't even heard about him?" Klopk asked.

Izumi stopped laughing. "Hmm, it seems like you found out something, but you need to solve my riddle before I can tell you anymore."

"So I was correct..." They turned around to face Era. "Izumi would be the 'main quest' while everybody else is a minor character."

Izumi looked confused and asked, "What do you mean?"

Era sighed and continued explaining, "Like in a game. There will be a main objective, which the party has to complete before continuing. The others are unimportant and not needed. When in a situation like this, where everybody lies, then the one who knows anything at all is the one with the main quest."

"So this is a game?" Leah was a little annoyed. "We just want to know about irony!"

Izumi gave Era an approving look. "Good work, kid. You're pretty bright. Well, you found me. I already told you, I'm not the Master, but I do know where he is."

"Well . . ." Klopk said, hoping she would continue.

"But I'm not allowed to tell you still. I told you, it is part of the learning process to find the Master."

"Dang it."

"So what's your riddle from earlier?" Sven asked. If they solved it, then the search would be a lot easier.

"Oh, that? Yeah, Era there pretty much answered it already." There goes that idea.

Leah looked up. "Can we hear it anyway?"

Izumi sighed and started, "Alright, so here it is;

You look for the master,

in a town covered in mist.

A single flower blooms,

pointing to one that doesn't exist."

"Why are you the only one who knows about this Master? Why you?" Sven asked.

"Well, I am the person least expected to know about the English Master. Come on now, the butcher's wife? Would you really expect me?"

"That is true," Klopk agreed. "But how did Era solve your riddle? I don't get it."

"Well, the first line is a given, so maybe Era can tell you the rest."

Era didn't look too happy about this, but he never looked happy in the first place, so no one took note of this.

"The 'town covered in mist' is the town, Dublith. Everybody here is lying, which would be the mist part. 'A single flower blooms' means that a single person will tell the truth, and that was Izumi. It 'points to one that doesn't exist', showing us that she can lead us about the English Master while everyone else is telling us that he isn't here."

"Man, this kid is smart. He didn't even think about it." Izumi remarked, "Alright, that's it, so get searching."

"Wait! Weren't you supposed to tell us more when we solved the riddle?" Klopk blurted.

Izumi smirked, "Ahh, you guys are sharp. Follow me." She took them into the back room where she pulled out a photo album.

"You have pictures of the English Master?" Leah asked in disbelief.

"No, he doesn't have his picture taken. But this pictures should give you a clue to where he is." She handed them four pictures. "This is all I'm allowed to give you."

Klopk took the pictures and looked at them. "Hmm. These are just pictures of you and your husband at different parts of the city."

Era glanced at them. "No they aren't. It is the same part of the city, just from different views."

"How can you tell?" Sven studied the pictures.

"There, there and there." Era pointed at three of the pictures. "That is the exact same door. And the fourth picture must be the back of whatever building it is."

The other four looked at Era in shock. "Where did you find this kid?" Izumi asked.

"They didn't find me, I found them," Era said in his monotone. He looked back at the pictures. "Oh, no."

"What?" His three comrades looked at him.

"That building isn't in Dublith."

"What? But isn't the English Master supposed to be in Dublith?" Leah had been through enough troubles already.

"Yeah! How is this related to our search?" Klopk was also tired of chasing someone who was so confusing.

Izumi didn't seem to mind, "That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Great, more riddles..."

"Dang it!" Era suddenly burst out in an enraged monotone.

"What?" Everyone stared at him.

"The English Master already left, didn't he?"

"Clever kid," Izumi smirked.

"What?" Leah burst out. "You told us he would be here for a couple more days!"

"You guys obviously need help with irony. I was using verbal irony, otherwise known as sarcasm," Izumi beamed. "It's part of learning, to recognize what you are trying to learn!"

"You fail at sarcasm," Klopk pointed out.

"Obviously you can't appreciate what a fine art it is," she glared at the foursome. "Well, you guys better be off."

"Where?" Leah was confused.

"Central, of course! Everyone knows that is where the English Master goes after they visit Dublith!" And with that she threw them out of the shop.

"Not another city!" Leah moaned.

"Come on," Klopk said. "We gotta keep moving and figure this out."

The four were at the train station. As usual, they had bought the tickets to discover that they had some time to waste.

"Man, what did we go through all that for? And we are still nowhere near finding him!" Leah was not in a good mood. After travelling from city to city, they had finally gotten the chance to catch the English Master, to discover that they had just missed him.

The others agreed, but left the complaining to Leah. It was like this for a while, until Sven noticed something.

"Hey, when's the last time we restocked on supplies?"

"Uhh... Does buying fish count?"

"..."

They went to the market again with an hour left before their train left.

"Cookies!" Leah's eyes brightened.

"No, healthy food for us," Sven dragged them away from the Sweet Shop.

"Who eats healthy food anymore?" Klopk asked.

"Here," Sven ignored her question. He threw strawberries at them, because they were still in season. They collected several more type of fruit, along with more fish and a bunch of bread.


	5. Chapter 5

And so, the four boarded the train. They had stocked up on food and found out more information on the way.

"Maaahh... I'm bored." Klopk was bored, as usual.

"Maybe we should have gotten something to do in Dublith... You think we would have learned." Leah was also bored.

"Well, how about we play a game? Like, a word game?" Sven was probably the sanity and calmness of the group. What made it weirder was that he was also the biggest and most intimidating.

"..." Era was always monotone, no matter what.

"So, what type of word game?" Klopk seemed very interested. At least they could finally do something besides waiting.

"The one where someone says a word, and the next person uses the last letter of that word to begin the new word. You can't repeat words either."

"Alright, I'll start! Pie." Leah also seemed very eager to play.

Klopk went next, "Eggs."

"Small." Sven was the one to break the food pattern.

"Loom." Even Era decided to join.

"Hmm . . . mango!" Leah still went with food.

"Oh, man. Food still? Really?" Era was a little annoyed.

"Yes!" Leah giggled.

"Someone save me from this idiocy."

"You really need to lighten up."

"People! Can we continue the game?" Klopk asked.

"Exactly!" Sven agreed.

"You didn't realize we never stopped playing? We just made them sentences instead of one word," Leah explained.

"Duh!" Era added, still in a monotone.

"How do you people follow that?" Sven scratched his head.

"They are having too much fun," Klopk decided.

"No way!" Leah laughed at their expressions.

"You guys aren't surprised that it can also be a normal conversation at the same time?" Sven asked. Just because they got it, doesn't mean that he got it.

"Ehh... for some reason it just comes out like that." Klopk didn't understand either, but didn't care.

"The two of you need to stop thinking and enjoy this insanity!" Leah was slowly losing herself and her mind.

"You are all crazy!" Sven said.

"Yes we are! We try our best." Leah beamed.

"The game did its job though."

"Hey!" Klopk exclaimed. "We are arriving at Central!"

"Look at that!" Sven pointed out the window at a sign that said, 'Welcome to Central.'

"That is good," Era said. "Maybe we will finally find the English Master now."

"We can stop playing now, right?" Sven half regretted suggesting the game.

"Yeah, sure. Now that we're here, we better get started as soon as we can." Klopk had gotten some of her sanity back, apparently.

The four got off the train and then it hit them.

"Hey... where exactly do we start looking?" Leah asked.

"You're right... unlike the other times, we now have a whole region to search." Klopk soon paled, "Hey . . . don't tell me we have to search all of central . . ."

"NOOO!" Leah and Klopk yelled to the sky.

Era rolled his eyes. "Relax guys. We have the pictures Izumi gave us to go off of. We just have to find the building that was in all of those pictures."

"Then what?" Leah asked.

"I don't know. We'll have to figure it out then."

"This is way too complicated," Klopk shook her head.

"C'mon!" Sven called, already almost off the train platform. "The sooner we find the Master, the better!"

The four had split to cover more ground in the day. Each took one picture and used it to help them search.

"Hello, do you know where this building is?" Leah was asking people as well as looking herself. They had decided to meet at the train station at noon. There was only one hour left, and she had no luck yet.

"Huh? Oh, um... Wait, that looks like- Yeah, I do, just follow me." Leah's eyes widened in surprise, and then she smiled.

"Thank you so much!" And Leah trailed behind the woman with short, dirty blonde hair.

-Meanwhile-

Klopk was walking through the market, trying to find the building. Suddenly, a flash of movement caught her eye. She whirled towards it, recognizing the red and green glint of the GT's strange weapon.

"Oh crap! Him follows we here!" Klopk she gasped and smacked her hand over her mouth, appalled at her terrible grammar. "Gets back here!" she yelled, running after him as he tried to disappear into the crowd. Klopk gasped for air. The theif had gotten away again. She wondered why he even stole their grammar.

"Why us...? Why does he only target us?" Klopk looked at her surroundings. She wasn't too far from where she was before, but it would be a long walk back.

"DONG-! DONG-!" It was noon. She sighed, took a deep breath, and took off. She needed to warn the others as fast as possible.

"And then Era notice that- Oh no..." Leah had discovered that the building was an office building. It wasn't too far off from where she was originally searching.

"Hmm? What wrong- oh..." Leah was talking with Gracia to spend time while going back to the train station.

"DONG-! DONG-!"

"This be the the 'grammar stole' I talks about." The two had begun running towards the train station. As they entered the station, they saw that Sven was already there, out of breath. Era had soon entered right after them, looking like he always did. Lastly Klopk had rushed in.

"Guys!" Klopk gasped. "Him's here!"

Sven and Era nodded, Sven furiously, Era apathetically.

"Us knows," Sven said. "Him gots us to."

"How do him finds all of we?" Leah asked in disbelief.

"Me no knows," Klopk said.

"Are that he?" Gracia seemed a little stunned by her horrible grammar, but she was calm.

"Yes! Us has to gets he!" All four yelled in unison. And, once again, they began chasing the Grammar Thief.

The now five ran after him. He wasn't very good at hiding, in fact they found him almost immediately.

"Gives us back us grammar!" Sven called. He looked back for a second, but begun to run once he saw them all running towards him.

Era suddenly slowed down, and soon just stood there.

"Er-ERA! Is you going to..." Sven was the first to react to this. Era nodded then said, "You better leaves the area."

All of them quickly obeyed, but the thief didn't seem to notice.

"Are this the 'Blacks Magic?" Gracia was a bit skeptical of it. 'Magic' did not exist, only alchemy.

The four were hiding in an alley, waiting for Era to take care of the thief.

"Yes, them are black magic. Era learns black magic when him were a child because him father use to practices it," Leah tried to explain Era's background story.

"Me never hear of this before." Gracia scratched her head,

Klopk opened her mouth to explain in further detail, but was cut off by the sound of a huge explosion.

"Are that Era?" she asked, concerned. Everyone else looked clueless.

A minute later, Era came walking through the alley, holding the red and green stick.

"He got away again, but I was able to get this off of him. And I fixed our grammar."

"Why does he ALWAYS get away?" Klopk and Leah shouted in unison.

"Maybe he isn't as lame as I originally thought." Sven said to himself.

Leah and Klopk looked at him with confusion.

Sven coughed, "Well in the beginning he didn't seem like that much of a thief, we caught him every time. But now that you mention it, he always seems to get away in the most impossible situations."

"Wait, can I ask something?" Gracia was still wondering how black magic could exist, "Magic shouldn't exist, how can the kid use it?"

Sven, Leah and Klopk shrugged their shoulders and turned to face the kid in question.

"I can not tell you." Era was trying to find out what made the green and red stick work, he didn't seem to care about their questions.

"Era didn't even think about the answer to the question. How mean, we just want to know." Klopk huffed.

This time, Sven asked, "So, why can't you tell us?"

Era hesitated, then responded, "...It would cause a rip in space and time if another besides my kind attempts such." Era handed the stick to Leah.

Sven sighed, and did not pry any further. But Gracia continued, "Who is 'your kind'?"

"I can not tell you."

Leah went this time, "Why do you use 'black' magic, instead of, maybe light magic?"

"It does not exist for us, only the other."

"... You are one confusing kid."

"Why is he traveling with you guys again?" Gracia asked Klopk quietly.

"No idea. I blame Leah."

"Come on," Era motioned for them to continue. "We need to find the Master."

"Ya!" Sven ran after Era. "Oops! Um . . . yeah!"

"Hey Leah!" Klopk grabbed her shoulder and held her back. "These people are weird. Maybe we shouldn't be traveling with them."

"Don't be silly," Leah smiled. "They are just curious about irony, just like we are!"

Klopk didn't want to know what traumas must have happened to Leah for her to think the way she does now.

"Oh yeah, we found the building on the picture. Gracia, could you bring us there again?"

They went back to the original task. When they reach there, they searched for any signs of the English Master.

"Hmm... Everybody says that he was here a moment ago, we spent too much time with the Grammar Thief!" Leah cursed their luck.

"Well, he couldn't have gotten too far. Come on, let's keep going." Sven said. With that Gracia waved goodbye, as the four searched on.

"Gah!" Klopk threw her arms in the air. "Why do we keep losing this guy?"

"It makes the story last longer!" Leah pointed out.

Klopk looked at her. "Did you just break the fourth wall?"

"Shh!" Leah hushed, looking at you suspiciously. "Don't point it out! I was hoping they wouldn't notice!"

"Ok. . . ." Klopk decided to drop it.

"Look!" Sven pointed at an elderly man in the crowd. "Is that-?"

"Follow him!" Era shouted. "Quick!"

They quickly made their way through the crowd.

"Hey!" Leah yelled. He turned around, looking very surprised.

"Huh? Me?" He stopped, and waited for them all to catch up. "What do you need?"

"You- are you the English Master?" Klopk asked.

"Ehh? No, of course not. But he was here a moment ago. I think he was heading west... You're looking for him, right?"

"Thank you very much!" And they dashed off.

"He couldn't have gotten too far, we should run into him if we're fast." Sven said. They were running towards the train station again.

"All aboard!" They heard a random person call. But it was a train station, so that was normal. Until Era saw a person with "English Master" written across their back hop on the train just as it started to pull away from the platform.

"NOOO!" Era shouted, trying to run to the train. He was swallowed by the crowd because he was just a little twelve-year-old kid. The train was gone.

Era was somehow able to get back to the group, and told them of what he saw.

"You mean he's going WEST?" Klopk shouted. "When is the next train?"

"In three hours," Sven checked the schedule.

Leah grabbed the map. "Where was he heading?"

"Right here," Sven pointed to a dot on the map.

"No way!" Leah gasped. "That's where Klopk and I live!"

"What?"Sven shouted. It was almost like a cliche anime plot. They go on an adventure to discover that what they're looking for is where they started.

"It doesn't matter. What is the next fastest way to get there?" Era was very frustrated. They came so close, but now they can't move.

"By car, but none of know how to drive." Klopk said. They were stuck. With no way get to the west, the only option left was to wait three hours for the next train. By then, he might have already gone somewhere else. After waiting for the three hours for the next train, the foursome got on the train with audible relief.


	6. Chapter 6

"Finally!" Leah set her bag at her feet as she sat.

"I just hope nothing bad happens on the way there!" Klopk sighed. "That would stink."

But, because they were so exasperated, and because their journey just couldn't end that easily, the train broke down about fifteen miles outside of West City.

"GAHHHH!" Klopk and Leah screamed at the authors.

"Calm down!" Era demanded, and they fell silent. "We'll just walk. It will take less time to do that than to wait for the train to be fixed. We should be there by this time tomorrow if we hurry."

"The Master usually stays in town for several days," Sven pointed out. "We should be able to catch him."

They grabbed their bags and jumped off the train. There was an old path next to the rails, long forgotten and covered with weeds. Using that as their base, the four set off.

The hike was in silence, talking would only waste their breath. It remained that way until Leah saw the thin outline of a small house against the setting sun.

"Hey! I think we made it!" She happily exclaimed. They all rushed over to it.

"W-wha, no...!" It was abandoned, vines covering the stone walls and moss on the steps leading to the front.

Sven sighed, "Well, at least we know that people used to live, here, so the city shouldn't be to far away."

They turned back to the path, but Era then said, "We should stay here, until the morning."

Klopk looked up. The sun had set, and the sky was a dark shade of blue. It would be completely dark soon.

"'Kay. I wonder if it has any beds..." With that, they pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The small house had only one room. In one corner was a stove that could be used for heat in the winter. The rest of the house was completely empty. It looked dusty and unkempt, and it was obvious no one had lived there for years.

"Well," Era sighed, "I guess we can sleep on the floor." He sat down on the wood that covered the ground, and then set down his pack like he was going to use it as a pillow.

"That just won't do!" Leah pointed out. She began digging around in her pack. She eventually pulled out four pillows and several blankets, handing them out to everyone.

Klopk looked at her in disbelief. "Have you had those the entire time?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Why couldn't we use them on the train?" Klopk shouted, snatching the pillow that Leah handed to her.

"I guess I never thought about it," Leah said.

"How did you keep all of that in such a tiny bag?" Sven asked, staring at all the blankets in disbelief.

"I'm an expert at packing."

"Will you people BE QUIET!" Era yelled. "I'm trying to SLEEP! Save the small talk for the morning!"

"Someone needs a nap," Klopk whispered, but they all fell silent.

All four were asleep. The dust had been hastily swept aside for the makeshift bedding. The sky eventually began to brighten, showing the first signs of a new day.

Leah yawned and turned over. When her side felt hard floor instead of a soft cushion, she sat up. Sven was already up and setting up a mini-breakfast out of the food they had. Era was folding the blankets and Klopk was still in the blankets/pile of sheets she was using.

"Good morning... Klopk, are you awake or not?"

The answer was a contradictory 'no'.

"...Get up, you lazy person."

Klopk grumbled, but got up. "What's breakfast?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Cookies and soda," Sven said matter-of-factly.

"Not again!" Leah moaned.

"It's not like you two brought more food! The only thing we have besides this is fish!"

Klopk and Leah made a face at the thought of eating more fish, so they ate their cookies without further complaint.

"Let's get going!" Era said after breakfast ended. Leah somehow managed to stuff the bedding back in her tiny bag, so they set out towards the town.

"Why did he come out West?" Era wondered as they were walking. "Nothing EVER happens out West."

"You're right," Klopk said. "This town is boring."

"Oh well," Leah shrugged. "Maybe we will find him here."

The walk was long and tiring, but soon enough, they saw a small town in the distance. Klopk and Leah some how managed to get delayed sugar rushes and speed off to the entrance. Sven and Era tailed behind, not noticing the strange shadow that was watching them from the roof of the hotel.

"We're here! We made it!" Klopk was doing a little victory dance and Leah was spinning around was chanting 'we are awesome'.

Era sighed. Not even stopping to rest, he began asking the towns people if they knew about the English Master. Sven soon joined him, followed by Leah and Klopk. Again, it seemed that NO ONE had heard of the English Master, but the foursome was used to this by now, so they did not give up. Just after their lunch that consisted of fish and soda, they found what they were looking for.

"Well, I haven't heard of him before," a blond man told them. "But I did see a man walking around with the words 'English Master' embroidered on the back of his jacket."

"That's him!" Klopk tried to exclaim, but her sugar rush as turning into exhaustion at this point, so it sounded less excited.

"Did you see where he went?" Era asked.

"Um . . . I think he was heading towards the market. It's just down that street." The man pointed them towards the market.

"Thanks!" Era said as he and Sven started running in that direction. Klopk and Leah tried to run as best they could as they crashed down from their sugar high.

Little did they know, they were still being tailed by the mysterious shadow.

Once they made it to the market, they split up to search the small crowds that had gathered. It was then that Leah felt a dark aura behind her.

"Huh? Maybe it's just Era, but I'm sure that..."

She turned around to see a faint red light from the bushes. Running over to them, she searched for any source of light.

Klopk heard something fall, and turned around. She saw Leah near the bushes, getting up from where she presumably tripped.

"What are you doing there?" Klopk asked.

Leah faced Klopk, and then ran up to her. "Grammar Thief! He in bushes their!" And dragged her to the bushes to help get her grammar back.

Klopk looked into the bushes, and saw a red light. "There is he!" She pointed, and they ran over to the fading red light.

Sven saw a flash of red light from the part of town where Leah said she was searching, so he ran over there to see what happened. As he was running, he bumped into Era.

"What is it?" Era asked him, trying to figure out where he was rushing off to so fast.

"There was a flash of light! I think Leah and Klopk could be in trouble!"

"What?" Era exclaimed. "Well, let's go help!" And they ran off again.

When they finally caught up to Klopk and Leah, they found them sprinting after a red glow that was fading into a dark alley.

"Klopk!" Era yelled. "Leah! Back off, I've got this!"

"We can handle this," Klopk said, drawing out a transmutation circle on a piece of scrap paper. Leah was doing the same.

Klopk smacked the paper against the wall of the alley where the light had just disappeared. A heavy gust of wind came whipping out of the alley, pushing the cloaked man out of it. He scrambled to his feet when the wind subsided, but Leah put her circle on the ground and activated it. The water at the man's feet suddenly sprang up around the man and froze into spikes, trapping him.

"Sweet!" Leah smiled.

"We caught him!" Klopk yelled, pulling off a victory dance.

"Now," Era started walking toward the thief, "I want to know something."

He looked very scared of the boy who was shorter than him, but nobody blamed him. Era was just like that.

"Tell me why you have been targeting us." Era paused, "And who you are."

The thief sighed then slowly replied, "I am,"

They all looked at him.

"The English Master."

The four just looked at him, dumbfounded.

Era was the first to recover. "Uh, what?"

"Yeah. I am the English Master."

"But," Klopk spluttered, "You're the Grammar Thief!"

"I am that too, but that was just a test."

"A test?" Leah was a little annoyed.

"I wanted to see if you could figure it out. And you did."

"Figure what out?" Klopk demanded.

"The importance of grammar! And I had to steal your grammar in order for you to understand the value of it."

"Oh, I think I get it." Leah then remembered something important.

"So now that we passed, can you answer this question for us?"

The English master nodded, "Unless it's something about math, go ahead."

The four took a deep breath, then, at the same time asked,

"What is true irony?"

The English Master began to laugh. "Do you know how many times I have been asked that question?"

"Well, then you should be well prepared with an answer!" Klopk said.

"Let me give you some advice."

"What is it?" Leah asked.

"Irony has been used and misused for years. My advice? Just don't use it. Ever. Act like it isn't even there."

"What?" All four exclaimed.

"But then, what happens when you want to use it?" Klopk asked.

He laughed, and then said, "Then hope that no one says anything about it."

She sighed. The Leah noticed something.

"You know? This is very anticlimactic. So, now what?"

Nobody responded.

"..."

"Wait!" Klopk suddenly said.

"What?" Everyone turned towards her.

"Something exciting just happened in West City! Nothing EVER happens out here!"

"So?" Leah asked.

"We just made history."

"Oh my gosh. YOU'RE RIGHT!"

And so, with that, the five went to Leah and Klopk's houses to party for their amazing feats and adventure. And they decided to never call anything ironic ever again, because that would just be too complicated and cliché.

So Sven and Era went back to their homes, happy that they had an adventure and met new friends. And the English Master/Grammar Thief went on his way to spread good grammar. And Leah and Klopk decided to be English teachers, and they lived happily ever after.

The End.


End file.
